Posts Tagged ‘desteni’

Since I started working in the system I was dealing extensively with my resistances. I was stuck in my fears and insecurities and was unable to communicate with people around me. I judged a lot what was happening here and thus I shut myself down living completely inside myself projecting/superimposing new reality on top of what is here. This obviously created extensive separation and thus inability to deal with what is actually here. I did not want to follow the rules that were here because they were restricting who “I am”.

Now within Desteni it is clearly expressed that we as human beings have to take responsibility for every part of existence realizing and understanding that we must bring all parts – good and bad – back to ourselves and thus close the gap of separation – only here is the power to live effectively and possibility of change. So it took some time and some hard knocks to integrate this knowledge and live it. And I am still in the process of accepting and bringing all me’s back together.

The real change started happening only after a few visits to the Desteni farm where I was faced with my ideals and delusions about what reality is. In the end I realized that reality is very simple – what is here is here and it’s completely useless to try and make it something that it is not, something that I wish it would be. That is energy based approach that our spiritualists use – where they project positivity within their environments believing that this will change anything. Here they fail at the most basic understanding of the mind physics and the law of consequence. They don’t understand that participating within positive polarity they are already digging a hole for themselves where they eventually face the negative. It’s the same as being a Ping-Pong ball bouncing back and forth without any real understanding what the fuck is happening here.

So after my stay at the farm was finished I headed straight back to the system and my work where now I am stopping all my judgments as either positive or negative, good or bad, but simply seeing what is here, seeing how it is here and seeing how can I move myself towards the direction that supports me best.  That immediately opened many new doors and I started seeing many opportunities that I was unable to see before, yet they were always here. My communication changed extensively because now I can deal with real reality and not with my projections/superimpositions. Surely within that I have to “compromise” myself where I have to communicate with beings that are existing in total ignorance and who speak complete bullshit yet through my acceptance/nonresistance I am able to respond effectively and actually find ways and direct this shit towards some, even the smallest realizations for them and of course for me because I get to understand how the mind functions and practice the methods of “cracking the code”. It’s just a matter of remaining focused, never losing the sight of the real message which basically comes through constant self-application within writing, reading blogs/watching vlogs of other fellow travelers, and of course Desteni I process that improves and brings me deeper into the understanding of the foundation of the mind systems that I exist in and as – it is an imperative part of process as it keeps me in track and helps to realign my approach, which sometimes can get distorted through many different influences that “disturb the stability of water”


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I have noticed how I thrive within hearing about people problems. I see and look for any flaws with people so that I would look and feel better about myself. I participate within process of self-perfection and meanwhile I wish for failure. I am happy when people are not changing because I am not changing.

There are certain points where I got stuck, like vlogging, and from here shit just started accumulating where I stop myself from breaking the resistance and within that holding back my expansion. Slowly I have accepted this limitation and I became that limited me. And from here “who I am” is walking in this world and spreading this “who I am” and basically influencing the world around me. When I hear people saying that they have problems or that they have not been effective within their process I comfort them saying it’s all right and I simply allow the laziness to take over instead of pushing self and others to change.

In the past I was going one step further where within that I would present myself as being all right, meaning I would give impression that I am moving myself effectively within the process by telling about my activities in a way that would give such impression. That has been one of a very big personality traits that I possessed but I have managed to stop for the most part this behavior because that is extremely destructive and confuses the reality and people around me, without having real picture about things and their world, people make wrong conclusions and that obviously influences their process.

So basically now I got to the point of honesty where I present a more correct picture about myself – but that is still going the half way. I still have to get to self-honesty where I take full responsibility for the points that I know are not what’s best for all and change them, no matter what, into my strengths. Again I can refer to the point of blogging and vlogging. It is my point of weakness and I can be honest about that as long as I want but that does not change me – I remain only as an honest being who refuses to change and make a change. I keep my reality stuck as it is.

I keep repeating to myself that becoming strong in blogging and vlogging is the key to freedom, however it seems that the time, to take that key and use it, just never comes. And that also becomes normal. There is no consistency and real understanding, the movement still comes from outside – like today, I was pushed to look at myself and that of course is cool and is very supportive but it is obvious that I have to develop self-movement and be effective and fully self-responsible. Of course in time the consequences of self-dishonest behavior manifest and one is forced to change self but that usually comes with more pain and the change is much more difficult – that is unnecessary and it’s much better to train self to just be consistent in self-movement, to be in consistent focus of where self is within the process, to learn to recognize every little indication when one goes into these states of hiding from self.

Now from what I unraveled today I can see how I was avoiding to face self and how was that laziness and unwillingness to do that, manifesting. One point was very prominent and is immediately an indication that something is wrong here – it was the point of not willing to get up in the mornings. For the last week I was allowing myself to continue lying in bed for more time than my physical body requires to rest. And within that lying I was lying to myself that it’s ok to sleep a bit longer. However 1+1 was making me more and more sleepy and more unwilling to face myself. So as a point of self-responsibility I am flagging this behavior for future reference – if that happens again I will definitely know that something is wrong here and I will look what it is that I am not willing to stand up to.

Also I can see that a proper diet and proper nutrition of the body is very important within it all. In the last week I wasn’t eating well and my body lost its vitality – that obviously has opened the doors for self-sabotage.  I have already proved to myself that being healthy and properly nourished is crucial in this process – because we are dealing with the physical, we are stopping our minds and starting to live as physical beings – so if our physical bodies are not strong enough we will not have the necessary self-trust. So it has to be a stable point, we have to understand the physical, know how it works and what is necessary to keep it strong at all times.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by not taking full self-responsibility for my life where I make sure my physical is completely taken care of and that I am effective within exposing my mind systems within blogging

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for myself to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind knowledge without applying it and actually changing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ok with the discomfort that I am constantly feeling and make it as if it is normal, hoping for it to disappear without taking any immediate action to move self towards the correction

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to address the real problems and issues that are making me ineffective in everything else I do

It’s who I am – not what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this uplifted mind state whenever I start writing about myself and where I perceive that I have faced myself a little and from here I settle into a comfortable mode with sense of achievement where I fall back and the mind takes back all its ground

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my movement has to be continuous and that I cannot possibly have a rest and feel good about myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be equal to the uncomfortability of the current state of the world and from here do whatever it takes to bring myself out of this state, using that as my motivation to change who I am and what I can do


I am all that is here and it’s not pretty, so no self-delusions

I am consistency and diligence of self-application and focus in each moment

I am the self-care and I ensure that my physical body is fully supported in walking this process

I stand up each morning to face another day fully prepared and I do not require energy to lift me up from my bed – I stand as me

I support myself and I support all others as I have been supported to no longer allow hiding from the potential that we are

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Recently at work i found myself being a little bit pissed about almost everything in realtion to work. The problem is real and simple – My twelve hour shifts leave me with very little time for any other work. I keep trying to bend and squeeze my days to make myself more time and do something more in relation to proscess – like writing blogs, doing mind constructs fot my SRA studies, researching homeopathy as my further study i am about to embark etc. So within this anger I end up doing nothing of any significance – just being angry most of the time. This anger or maybe i will call it irritation – makes me tired because it’s something i have to think about, spend my time on justifying it, giving energy – and that takes a lot of time – perhaps even the same time that i am so eagerly looking for.

So as I am continuosly calling all the people around me to start living according to common sense, stopping the bullshit – i decided to use my own advice and see what the fuck i am doing here. Thus i stopped for a day being angry and irritated – and looked –ok— what can be done here:  and here I started asking myself some questions- not in the angry tone but in a more stable state of being. I asked myself Questions like – what can I do to create for myself more time? Can i change my job? Can i talk to my bosses and agree on some solution? Can i create effective schedule of things to do? Can i take more holidays from work and still have enough money? Should i fucking drop everything and just leave? (hehe my anger was sometimes still interferring but here again I used common sense, based on personal experience, and saw that these kind of solutions are just a recipe for more trouble).

Iterestingly enough i also found part of the solution within looking at people closest to myself, one guy, and when talking to him and seeing his main points that he exist in and as – i came to see myself in him and how i was doing the same thing –  and the next moment as we openly communicated we saw our limitation and decided to be more direct within our environment – stating more clearly and loudly what we need from it. Immediately the fog, that was created by irritation and anger ,cleared and i could see a little step that i can take to make my conditions here to be more in the service of my needs.

In the end i see that i am alone responsible for how i experience myself and that it’s me who holds myself locked in bullshit by being angry asshole constantly existing in the backchat where I deem everyone as evil while my secret actions clearly show that the real evil here is me.

It’s very important to understand that people don’t really know how to read, nor are they really interested, your mind. Whatever you want to get, do, accomplish, create – you must actually do it by clearly directing your environment, communicating with people.

This anger and irritation thing is more coming from some childhood years where we were lying in the crib and upon experiencing some kind of uncomfortability we would start crying and thus expressing our dissatisfaction-  and of course our loving parents, not wanting to hear the endless screams would attempt all possible solutions to shut us up – and usually something would work and things were cool again for a while.

I say it’s time to grow up, stop the cryies and actually tell to the world what the fuck is wrong here and what actually must be done to correct the curernt conditions – EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM is not a cry but a real directive solution that will end all cries of life. It’s the fucking end of slavery – and that really matters.

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hello from hellideck – that’s where i spend most of my time these days, it’s a place where hellicopters land on the sea platform and i am there to meet them and make sure they are ready to continue their journey by giving them fuel and leading the passangers in, etc. So basically i am just making sure the oil industry at sea continues its business as usual and i get my little share in cash. I maintain a healthy hatred towards the job, making sure that with first opportunity arising i move on to doing something that is more supportive for myself, where i can grow in skill and understanding.

In this blog i wanted to write about relationship dynamics that i have faced here and how i am dealing with them. there was a guy here on the platform who was a real pain in the ass for me for a bout two weeks, spending a lot of time with him i developed multiple mindfucks, because somehow he knew all my buttons where and how to push them. I am sure many people have these buttonpushers around them.

Luckily for me, i am an SRA student and at that time we were doing the Mind Constructs on people that influence your life. So i saw the point immediately and decided to expose this specific influence, to understand it and eliminate it. In the process of doing the Mind Construct the guy left and i haven’t seen him for a long time – until yesterday 🙂 My examination day so to speak where i can test the effectiveness of my application.

I already knew beforehand that he is coming and that i will have to face that face again. i was curious with bits of anxiety to meet him. And now i can say that this guy is a real gift for me – he is still the same as he was – but not me, i changed from being reactive to being still and responsive. Now i am excited to have him around because his presence simply forces me to remain in the breath and watch everything that comes within and without. I already know where my unawareness can get me thus i am even more cautious to not allow any thoughts, judgment or ideas to form around the point again. So, basically i am very satisfied with my change and ability to direct these moment which were equal to hell just a while ago. This gives me confidence to face all other situations that i enter in life and perceive as difficult – now there is a knowing that the shift is possible, with the right tools and perseverence we can chage ourselves and the world around us. 

So if you have same or similar issues in you life where people give you hell sometimes and you don’t see a way out – listen! there is a way out – DESTENI I PROCESS will direct and empower you to change your reality into an environment that serves you. Don’t wait


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With this point I have been slowing myself down immensely and actually even destroying many points of possible creation that I was willing to establish.  Here I am basically avoiding real physical action that is necessary to get things done. Instead I just create satisfactory future projections that usually are very far away from where I find myself in the moment. And as a huge addition to this original problem I also share with as many people as possible my future plans, before any action is taken and any significant research is done that supports my words and plans. Basically I jump to conclusions which actually never become manifest in reality, they are only optimistic creation of the mind. Thus, after a few of such disappointments I develop a disease that manifests in various forms – mostly as a depression, complete loss of self-trust – where my words of self-dedication lose the power completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk and share points before actually working on them thus presenting a false image about myself to which I am unable to live up to and thus I fall by losing all self-trust and experience guilt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my realizations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear real change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I am willing to change self I will find a way to do that no matter what

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can work all point alone without any assistance

I am here

I am self-trust and self-dedication

I walk here moment to moment establishing self-trust

I walk together with other being sharing my process and supporting others as I am supported

Within realization that the only way we can free ourselves is by walking together I stand within a group as an equal and participate in establishing a system of support

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Here I want to share some of my experiences since arriving to South Africa, Desteni Farm.  It’s been already a couple of days since I am here and so far I haven’t written about it. That’s because in my inner world and how I experience myself almost no change is observable and thus I don’t really know what to write about. As if there was expectation of some big change that was supposed to happen magically upon my arrival. The only change is that now I realize that there are no magic changes and that I have to change myself in every day application no matter where I am. There is no one who will uplift you magically without you doing anything. That’s is a good realization bringing me closer to equality where everyone has to work equally to change the world, without anyone being higher than any other. So, aside all illusions, I remain here with all my shit that I have to look at and sort out, myself. The only real difference for me here is that I have now plenty of time to look at myself within environment that is very suitable for this in every way.

So far animals are the main joy and assistance for me. I have spent a lot of time with the dogs. There are many of them here and many of them are always ready to play and show you what it means to be unconditional. The first day when I arrived one of the dogs, Timeless, wasn’t too friendly and was barking a lot upon seeing me, yet the next day she came to me with her toy inviting me to play with her. I soon learned that she is a Tireless player. No matter how many times you throw the ball she will chase it every time with the same speed and agility as if it’s the first time. So, just in one day I learned from her how to be consistent, extremely patient and always remain focused.

So, currently being here I am simply allowing myself to just rest a few days, without pushing myself too hard. Just becoming stable within the new environment, learning how community lifestyle operates and becoming an equal member. I am enjoying the early mornings with horses where I was introduced immediately and trained specifically by Rozelle. She agreed to take this task of introducing me to the horse life that is almost all new to me, so I am grateful to her for that.

Ok, I will write more later.

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Local newspaper writes:

A sixty year old man hits a couple of times his doctor in the head with a glass plate

Yes, i have been waiting for something like that to happen, otherwise I was starting to think that there is no consequence in this world for all the evil things you do. There is no other additional information describing the event – it’s under investigation. But let’s try and see ourselves at some possible reasons for this explosive behavior from a sixty year old guy.

First thing that comes to mind is the attitude and behavior of the majority of doctors. Here I will speak from my own experience – i was “blessed” to be born in a family where one half of it were fully educated intelligentsia, mostly representatives of medical industry; and the other half, my father’s side, were simple people working with land and animals. Thus i was like an evolutionary product combining simple practicality of real physical labor with the upper level knowledge.

With this kind of background i can see both sides involved in the incident. I can see the doctor who is completely lost in his knowledge, never finding real solutions to the real problems because of his false education which unfortunately was so extensive that now he lives in constant fear to lose that knowledge defining himself completely as it, truly believing in the righteousness of his “life”. And I see the common man who has completely given his power away throughout his life to these guardians of his health and who, as the time goes by, realizes more and more that the relationship he got himself into is permanent and that there was never an intention of the doctor to give him a real cure.

I only wonder whether doctors themselves realize consciously what they are doing. Do they realize that their patients are never healed? What do they think when people whom they apparently have cured just keep coming back with ever more problems and complaints? Do they really believe that shifting disease from one organ to the other can be called healing? And can they still find strength within themselves to change when they see that there is a reason why people start hitting them?

Of course, from their perspective, it is a bit challenging to see what can be done to heal the situation, especially when the lie is all you have ever known.  The good thing is that lies don’t work anymore and real change is inevitable. The lie continues only as long as it can.

The most important questions now are:  how we are going to deal with all the lies that will be revealed? Can we resolve the problems without abusing each other and creating more violence? And what is the solution that could work for all?

Equal Money System is most definitely the real answer which, if looked closely, will have enormous implications to all levels of human existence.

Within my further writings I will investigate the various aspects of healthcare and possible alternatives within equal money system. Specifically I will investigate Homeopathy as a valid direction towards establishing a foundation from which a healthy human might arise.

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