I was asked this question once and that question is still within me and making me realize more and more how fucked I really am. When I began looking at this and tracking back my past moments, my activities that I participated in, I could clearly see that within many of these moments there was nobody home so to speak. So, life goes by, and I miss it. It feels real shitty to look back and see that I have lost so many valuable moments.

It’s about being a real person, being present here when interacting with another. When I do manage to push myself and remain here when talking to another it is really rewarding experience because there is this real connection where you actually talk to another and you see another and it’s simply real. Whereas the robotic behavior where you just walk into the moment and only later you recall and look back at what has happened and you miss many important details and so basically you lose touch with reality. It’s actually very simple.

I remember having these moments where I would, for example, interact with someone about some issues that is important to another being or serious where the person has a hard time dealing with problems or something like that and here suddenly someone enters the room and without any consideration just starts spilling the verbal diarrhea without any consideration or understanding whatsoever about what is actually here. And I kept wondering how a person can be so blind to his environment and not see or feel what’s happening around him. So when I started seeing that I am doing the same thing it really scared me and also I was angry that I have allowed myself to run in my thoughts and miss the moments.

So by any means I bring myself back here to fully participate with my reality and to become a real being that cares about what is happening around me and that takes responsibility in directing whatever comes within the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be present in every moment of my existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in my mind when I participate with others here in the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scattered and distracted in my daily moments of participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be running towards something not realizing that I am running away from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss any one moment

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be fully present when communicating with other people

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my existence within the mind is creating the gap where I miss reality and separate myself from it and this as a consequence creates fear and anxiety and also layers of information that I create in the mind

I am here in each moment no matter what the moment present

I see each moment as equal to another

My attention and focus is equally intense within each moment whether I speak to bum on the street or a president

When I catch myself floating away or avoiding any conversation I bring myself back here and I direct the conversation by giving it my full attention and making decision based on principle of caring for another as myself – as what is best for all



I have noticed how I thrive within hearing about people problems. I see and look for any flaws with people so that I would look and feel better about myself. I participate within process of self-perfection and meanwhile I wish for failure. I am happy when people are not changing because I am not changing.

There are certain points where I got stuck, like vlogging, and from here shit just started accumulating where I stop myself from breaking the resistance and within that holding back my expansion. Slowly I have accepted this limitation and I became that limited me. And from here “who I am” is walking in this world and spreading this “who I am” and basically influencing the world around me. When I hear people saying that they have problems or that they have not been effective within their process I comfort them saying it’s all right and I simply allow the laziness to take over instead of pushing self and others to change.

In the past I was going one step further where within that I would present myself as being all right, meaning I would give impression that I am moving myself effectively within the process by telling about my activities in a way that would give such impression. That has been one of a very big personality traits that I possessed but I have managed to stop for the most part this behavior because that is extremely destructive and confuses the reality and people around me, without having real picture about things and their world, people make wrong conclusions and that obviously influences their process.

So basically now I got to the point of honesty where I present a more correct picture about myself – but that is still going the half way. I still have to get to self-honesty where I take full responsibility for the points that I know are not what’s best for all and change them, no matter what, into my strengths. Again I can refer to the point of blogging and vlogging. It is my point of weakness and I can be honest about that as long as I want but that does not change me – I remain only as an honest being who refuses to change and make a change. I keep my reality stuck as it is.

I keep repeating to myself that becoming strong in blogging and vlogging is the key to freedom, however it seems that the time, to take that key and use it, just never comes. And that also becomes normal. There is no consistency and real understanding, the movement still comes from outside – like today, I was pushed to look at myself and that of course is cool and is very supportive but it is obvious that I have to develop self-movement and be effective and fully self-responsible. Of course in time the consequences of self-dishonest behavior manifest and one is forced to change self but that usually comes with more pain and the change is much more difficult – that is unnecessary and it’s much better to train self to just be consistent in self-movement, to be in consistent focus of where self is within the process, to learn to recognize every little indication when one goes into these states of hiding from self.

Now from what I unraveled today I can see how I was avoiding to face self and how was that laziness and unwillingness to do that, manifesting. One point was very prominent and is immediately an indication that something is wrong here – it was the point of not willing to get up in the mornings. For the last week I was allowing myself to continue lying in bed for more time than my physical body requires to rest. And within that lying I was lying to myself that it’s ok to sleep a bit longer. However 1+1 was making me more and more sleepy and more unwilling to face myself. So as a point of self-responsibility I am flagging this behavior for future reference – if that happens again I will definitely know that something is wrong here and I will look what it is that I am not willing to stand up to.

Also I can see that a proper diet and proper nutrition of the body is very important within it all. In the last week I wasn’t eating well and my body lost its vitality – that obviously has opened the doors for self-sabotage.  I have already proved to myself that being healthy and properly nourished is crucial in this process – because we are dealing with the physical, we are stopping our minds and starting to live as physical beings – so if our physical bodies are not strong enough we will not have the necessary self-trust. So it has to be a stable point, we have to understand the physical, know how it works and what is necessary to keep it strong at all times.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by not taking full self-responsibility for my life where I make sure my physical is completely taken care of and that I am effective within exposing my mind systems within blogging

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for myself to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind knowledge without applying it and actually changing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ok with the discomfort that I am constantly feeling and make it as if it is normal, hoping for it to disappear without taking any immediate action to move self towards the correction

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to address the real problems and issues that are making me ineffective in everything else I do

It’s who I am – not what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into this uplifted mind state whenever I start writing about myself and where I perceive that I have faced myself a little and from here I settle into a comfortable mode with sense of achievement where I fall back and the mind takes back all its ground

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that my movement has to be continuous and that I cannot possibly have a rest and feel good about myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be equal to the uncomfortability of the current state of the world and from here do whatever it takes to bring myself out of this state, using that as my motivation to change who I am and what I can do


I am all that is here and it’s not pretty, so no self-delusions

I am consistency and diligence of self-application and focus in each moment

I am the self-care and I ensure that my physical body is fully supported in walking this process

I stand up each morning to face another day fully prepared and I do not require energy to lift me up from my bed – I stand as me

I support myself and I support all others as I have been supported to no longer allow hiding from the potential that we are

Observing waste at work

I work on a sea platform that is able to accommodate around 200 people, but usually there are just over 100 people on board. So, for the last two weeks I have been observing this environment there and looking at the issue of waste that is produced. I looked what kind of waste is produced, what are the amounts of waste and within that also what could be done to reduce or eliminate it.

Running ahead I just want to say that it is bad and also the fact that nobody gives a fuck makes things even more sad. It’s not only the industry that is in itself full of shit but it’s also the people who simply do not care about it.

Being around people there and seeing what they do, what they talk about, what they exist as – is quite a gloomy picture. It’s the same thoughts and behaviors over and over and over again. If you’ve heard the expression –programmed robots – have no doubt that this is who we have become. Still being a robot one could have been programmed to be a responsible creation and to care for life – but that certainly wasn’t the goal of the programmers. There exists no consideration for what is here as our physical reality as the the earth, water, other human beings etc.

It’s very obvious that the real problem is our minds – our thoughts, feeling and emotions – because we regard them more important than the physical reality where we actually live in and as. It is very unfortunate that not many people consider the physical reality to be of much importance – it’s just used and abused to provide fuel for the mind machine. And this machine just doesn’t want to realize that it’s here only thanks to the physical.

Ok back to the waste topic – so first I looked into the kitchen. I found that at the end of the day all food that is left is just thrown away. And I have noticed that the cooks put themselves on the safe side when preparing food where they make sure there is no lack. So that obviously leads to a lot of food being wasted.

So clearly in this scenario a solution could be found where one simply could do a better calculation by simply adding the numbers and making better predictions about the eating patterns and the amount of food necessary.

These same pattern I have noticed with mixing paint for example, where people again make sure they are on the safe side and which means about 50 % of paint has to be thrown away. And again math here.

Paper cups. Wow – that thing is extremely abused. One person uses about 20 or more cups a day. So when we again do the math at the end of the day it’s big. The cleaning staff is very effective and people never get to see the accumulative effects of this waste.

Plastic is the winner and now after seeing this wastefulness I am not surprised that we have this plastic island floating in the ocean.

“Plastic will be the undoing of man” Bernard Poolman         

All this makes me wonder how we humans are still here and how much more abuse can our earth handle?

Looking at the bigger picture it’s obvious that this cannot go on much longer – something will happen and that something is not a pretty picture. It’s a very diseased picture where the air we breathe, the food we eat and the water we drink no longer nourishes us but kills us. That is exactly where we are going and many people are already experiencing this where their bodies are simply decaying with all kinds of diseases against which we are powerless.

And that will escalate to the point where we simply die out as the human species or there is another choice – we take the directive control of our lives and stop the abuse that we do and change it into actions that support life

The solution is already created – Equal Money System takes all points into consideration and makes sure the life is restored. Join us


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“Exit through the gift shop” -Documentary Review

The movie is about the street art, which by definition is unsanctioned or in other words not supported by government form of art.

So basically within this blog i will be showing how any form of art, even if it is produced with the greatest of intentions, is useless and even harmful. I will show the need of having a new race of artists in this world, who can and will, through their art create a solution to the world.

Ok – back to the movie. So one of the main characters there was a guy called Banksy. Some of you might know him as he made quite a name for himself in time. He is even considered to be a modern Robin Hood who, through his art,  exposes and makes fun of the current system. And he also claims that he wants to change the world and apparently that’s why he does what he does.

So let’s look what happens to his art in reality and whether his goal of making any impact on the system is reached. The movie showed this point very well – especially when the scene was in the auction room where one of his works was sold for 150 000 $. It wasn’t made clear whether he received the money, but either way his art became just another commodity in the system without any real value or ability to change or make an impact on the world.

How is that? Let’s look: people in our current society are suffocating, because of all the imposed rules, laws and limitations. Society is desperate for fresh air. And here we can say that street art is in a way “out of the box” experience that gives a fresh look at the system. People noticing it in the streets stop for a moment and within that stopping is exactly the place where they get that fresh breath. However this art does not go further than that  – it does not provide any viable solution, just a temporary glimpse after which one is back into the same system, with same problems and no solution.

Here of course we have the rich and the desperate who want to own the moment and so they buy the art, or, as i have heard, they rip somehow this art from the walls preserving it in one piece. So that is basically done for few reason – one is to make money and another is to own the art in hope that it will provide with more moments of good feelings or happiness or peace or whatever. that is, undoubtedly, ridiculous belief just proving again the stupidity of human beings – no surprise here.

So here we can already see that Banksy’s art, made with good intentions, is creating more shit than good. Within the movie Banksy expressed that it was never about money yet obviously he does not understand the mechanics of what he is doing and participating within.

So as a solution to all this madness we require new artists in this world – we need evolutionized artists who can achieve through their art two things basically – Exposure of the system & Solution to the problems. i am not a big art expert but i don’t think we had these two elements in one , not the real solution at least. it is crucial that the solution is real, practical solution, no more magic and utopia’s, but real actual solutions that consider all that is here.

In the movie there was also another guy Thierry Guetta – who was there to prove and expose the real shallowness of the so called art lovers. He managed to satisfy pople’s art needs with cheap and shallow art. So i just hope that this movie and Thierries example will wake some people into the real world. Especially the real artist should be concerned and maybe they will see now that “normal” people are not concerned about the message of existing problems that many real artists try to convene but that people only care about  satisfying their thirst for good emotions – which in these days even “plastic” is able to fill perfectly.

Plastic nation who really believe that Life is Beautiful

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When looking at my patterns that I existed as and have been moving by in my world I can see that I have really cherished this “truth” and used it to change my circumstances in life. At the same time I can see that it’s not only me that has used/is using the mechanics of this statement to propel “self-movement” in this reality, but many beings believe it is the only way to change.

So when I would find myself in a position where this change is required/wanted I begin to build this frustration within me about my current conditions. I can see now that this is a very destructive method and basically shows ones inability to take self-responsibility in creating your own opportunities for change/growth. Of course, in a way, the old self, when changing, has to be destroyed yet the methods of doing that is various. And again this approach that I am talking here about, which can also be called “I’ll do it when I can no longer bear it” isn’t really gentlest way to proceed. I mean even when the change comes after this frustration and suffering is ripe enough to overturn the coin, this change is not real. It is not self-directed but it happens to you. Which is simply the energy movement, change of energetic state – exactly according to the laws of physics of energy movement in polarities. That way simply one enters the infinity cycle and naturally one will have to come to the same point again and again until real change is self-directed.

So what is the real change? I would say the real change is when one participates with total directivity in creating the opportunities for self-change and basically understands what is involved in the process. Otherwise it’s just a “go with the flow” approach where one hopes and believes that the casino system will provide and grant some goodness. I have gone through far too many examples in my life to prove to myself beyond the shadow of a doubt that this system is never just for everyone equally – it will make sure you are sucked dry by it, unless you are willing to suck dry everyone else.  This is the reality of being dependent on the system. And while one is immersed in it, it’s hard to see a solution and a way out.

Thus it is important to study the system, to study self within it and start developing the necessary qualities to stand as an example of the possibility to be alone, independent from the system and be ok with that, still being here, participating fully with all that is and creating ever more opportunities for real change for yourself and others as yourself. 

Desteni I Process undoubtedly is the greatest gift one can give to self. Here you are provided with the best tools to deal with the practical aspects of your life ensuring that the changes you make will stand the test of time. Of course one has to bear in mind that merely subscribing to the course means nothing – it’s all about using the gift, practically in your world. Step by step – we can enter into a new world

I have had a few experiences here at work that eventually pushed me into using deodorant and other chemicals. My collegues made remarks about the way i smell – i had immense reaction intially, somehow i was very sensitive about this topic. I was standing very strong on this issue where i was comitted to not use any chemicals on my body if i do not know what they are made of and what effect they have on my body. And yes i was able to live like that, naturally “stinking”, in my home environment without creating any friction.

But when i started my job in the system i had to face other people and all these socially acepptable rules they live by. After receiving the first comments of dissatisfied people nearby i noticed that i wasn’t aware of how i smell at all. So that was cool notification because from there i began to train my nose to smell my surroundings – it seemed that i have forgotten this sense completely. After some weeks of awareness i started seeing the reality around me – people really stink and they really make sure they smell good. “A working man’s sweat” in the past used to be something to be proud of and now it’s something to hide behind nine laeyrs of deodorant and what not. i don’t even know what other means there are to hide ones stink. Whatever it is the industry has made sure the image is protected from what is really here.

So i found in my investigation that most influential factors in the way the body produced its odour was the type food and the levels of supression. It was obviuos that the food i am eating at work was producing much stronger and more acidic smell – most probably indicating the way this food is produced and prepared. It is not a secret how many chemicals are used in our food production. So, at home i was mostly eating food that was still made in more natural ways thus the body did not have much toxins to realease and the smell thus was more neutral. So I started using my body smell to chose the food i eat and just investigate what types of food have better effect on my body. Still, whatever i did i couldn’t neutralize it completely and eventually had to employ the assistance of deodorants – people were getting angry. And i saw as well that my resistance was creating supression and thus adding to the levels of acidity in my body.

So for now i have to use the system tools, like deodorants to release all supressions, become more comfortable in my expression – stop the friction. I looked at it from the perspective of acceptance and being equal to the chemicals round me – they can do no harm to my body. But then still within hours where i don’t have to present myself, in moments when i am alone i do not use any such shit and i see how my body responds to these added chemicals, and released suppression in this case. Investigation ongoing.

Here i suggest read very cool article on how the smells are used in our system to control our decisions, how it is applied to present us with unreal pictures to deceive us and distract from what is actually here.


I am within the transition period from still allowing within masturbation some pictures and fantasies in my head towards developing a pure physical self-expression and self-intimacy in the act of masturbation. So when I do allow the pictures to run in my head that of course easily stimulates the rising of energy towards that beautiful orgasmic experience, yet when I make sure that the head is clear from all the pictures and imaginations it’s not that easy to get there.

In general I found that when the need to masturbate arises it is not a good thing to ignore that call, because it creates very uncomfortable experience in time, a form of heaviness and sometimes even pains in the body.  Therefore I find that it is better to address the need  – but by directing the point, by changing the habitual ways of doing it – changing it, as I said, towards more healthy expression where self-intimacy is developed.  I mean let’s look at it – if during that intimate moment of masturbating your mind is clear from all the pictures, movies and fantasies about the girl next door or whatever – the attention is then here with yourself, thus giving the possibility to get to know yourself.

When I started doing that some time ago I found the experience a bit weird. I did not like it, I found that I am not very comfortable with my body – so that immediately gives many points to work on – like all the judgments about your own body, the whole morality of what is acceptable and not acceptable according to your upbringing, the morality and shit like that –so its about getting to the point of being ok with yourself naked basically. I mean isn’t our separation from our physical bodies the main reason for the emergence and spreading of various diseases, pains, discomfort in our lives where we do not understand anymore the language of our body. The body is in constant communication with us and through every slightest pain, itch, cramp, smell etc. it’s continually telling and showing us something. So after a while of pushing myself to remain here and not in the lala land with hula girls I began to become more and more in touch with my body and from there the relationship started growing. I started seeing points in my body that need more attention, like I would become more aware of the pains I had which were simply discarded by me as irrelevant before. So I began to do some exercises almost daily moving the body parts that required some movement and I was amazed at the rapid improvement and I was also amazed about the simplicity of this self-support – i was like what the fuck why didn’t I consider that before, it takes so little time to do this and it’s really enjoyable experience.

It’s cool to write this out now because somehow I managed to forget this amazing self-support I once applied. I see that this still requires some pushing because it is easy to fall back into the old habits. And then again the self-intimacy is lost and again I search for that feeling in the outside sources as pictures and fantasies which separate even more from what is actually here. And that is especially bad because the majority of images we see on internet are not even real, it’s mostly corrected with Photoshop and thus creates a bigger gap from reality in one’s mind. In the end the physical reality is not able to match the mind creation and one is fucked forever – isolated into the virtual world until energy runs out and shit has to be faced.