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I ask myself today – How come I don’t get angry with myself for not caring about life enough?

Because I still live in my bubble of thoughts constantly thinking and keeping myself secure from the actual reality that is here. When, in the moments of clarity, I see more of what this world has become and I see that my current contribution to this world is by far not enough,  I make promises to myself that from now on I will find ways to make something more of myself to be able to make an impact on this world.

But then when the clarity of the moment passes and I am in my little mind again I start replaying same thoughts over and over again and I forget about the importance and scope of self-responsibility that needs to be taken by me and by each one of us to make sure we don’t destroy this world and ourselves.

With this pattern of not actually doing what I have understood and realized in these moments  of clarity I am creating for myself little disasters where I get a series of hard knocks that finally move me to act. These Hard Knocks are events that shake my world– like some kind of loss or fear of loss, an accident or just some problems.  In that way I come closer to the experience of those billions of people on this planet that face loss, lack, real dangers, starvation etc. every single day unable to place their feet on a stable ground for even a second and take a breath of relief.

So in the end it all comes down to the question how much of  pain and loss we need to finally realize that I must put all of me in totality and start doing whatever it takes to stand up and say no to the current system of abuse and not only say but actually live that statement? Do I need to lose everything? I would say no, because then it might be too late. The pain – yes, I would say take as much as you can, put yourself in the shoes of others and walk in these shoes of pain until a new system is established where everyone is able to walk without pain.

Research Equal Money System – this is a real solution that will make sure all have the best shoes to walk this life in joy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for myself before I decide to put myself out there and make sure that before I die I can say that I have done all that was in my power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed moments of laziness and procrastination direct my participation in this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn a blind eye on the suffering of this world for even a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self-interest and search for personal happiness

 

Videos for self-reflection:

2012 – What Can I Contribute

Why I Do Not Give Hope

I’m Doing ‘My Best’ – are You?

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I face that fear when I am in fear of dying, like for example when I am flying in the airplane. I have no trust in this flying piece of metal – however I am grateful to it that it shows me and reveals my fear. I simply asked myself, while in the air, why do I fear dying so much? And the answer came immediately – I don’t want to go yet because I haven’t lived yet. Basically that is that I haven’t fulfilled myself and I haven’t pushed myself yet to do what I want to do. I have been generously giving myself time before I prepare myself to do what I want to do. And surely when I am faced with the possibility of losing all the time I have, I get scared.

Ok now by not having lived I mean that I haven’t allowed myself to express myself , I haven’t stood up to my “gods” that suppressed my expression. My whole live, in one way or another, I have abided by the laws and rules placed on me by my family and society. Although I have been questioning that which was shown to me, yet I have never acted with disagreement with enough understanding. I would rebel but that was happening mostly as an explosive outcome of continuous suppression. I have seen many times that whatever is being shown to me as the way to do it, as the way it was always done, is wrong and doesn’t support me or anyone else in this existence but is purely an automatic act of doing things from the past, done only in order to conform to the currently existent ways, basically out of the fear of being different.

Yes there was a lot of fear of not being like others – I can see that pattern throughout my years of growing up. And yes the thing is that when you are different from the rest you are out of the group, by yourself and thus you have to stand on your own without having the group support. This has been mostly my problem as I lacked that ability to stand alone indefinitely. Another thing is that I never actually presented an alternative solution, a new way of doing things, but only rebelled against the old. That was creating only a vacuum and thus fear and uncertainty. I would come up with some solutions but in time they didn’t prove to stand and I had to change my mind rather often. And that was used against me, especially by those close to me who have been hearing my attempts at finding the permanent solution. So, in that way I lost trust of others, which is not as bad, but I also started to lose self-trust in being able to find a stable place on which I could stand for life and put all of me in totality.

That has changed when I found the message of Desteni where the common sense principles where laid out in such simplicity that it was impossible not to see that this is something that will stand the test of time. So finally I can rest on the spot. I can stop the search for solution and concentrate on transcending that ingrained fear to stand tall and state with confidence who I am and what I stand for.

Another thing I had time to realize is that things do not happen magically, I mean finding the solution is not the solution yet. The solution has to be lived and applied – and that takes time. It’s about unsupressing self from all the limitations lived throughout life where they’ve become who I am and thus now require equal amount of effort to be undone. Point by point I work on removing the restrictions as fears placed on me and which I believed to be valid and accepted as truth.  Within that essential point is to understand exactly how they work and to see the road that has to be walked towards correction.

It’s about becoming a good mathematician where within my reality I would be able to calculate every decision I make in every moment where I make sure that the decision represent all living things on earth– that which is best for all. Within that it is obvious that fear will eventually not exist, because I stand for/as all and no matter where or with whom I am I express myself from the same starting point – always doing that which is best for all.

Surely to become able to see that equation within all situation is not an easy task and requires actual investigation, dedication and understanding of my reality. I can see after all that fear exist in not knowing, not seeing how it works and what has to be done – that uncertainty brings the fear – the question and doubt whether I am right or wrong.

And surely I have to convince myself that there is space for errors as it’s rather impossible to become proficient at something without having walked the whole way – trial and error. I can clearly see that this perfectionist idea was limiting me in my expression where I was silently preparing myself to come out and speak up – yet not realizing that the practice and experience comes with actual doing.

Competing in sports

At work while communicating with my colleague we entered the topic of competition. It was in relation to sport. I could see within me, during and after the conversation, that I wasn’t clear about the issue and that caused the conversation to be pure exchange of knowledge points that me and him had on the issue. It was amazing to see how I am simply repeating information that I have read or heard somewhere without understanding myself all ins and outs of how it actually works thus putting myself in a situation where I am not able to respond effectively and have a normal conversation.

Now I see how writing out and clearing points for myself is an imperative part of developing ability to effectively respond to any kind of situation that comes into my world. So whenever I come across an issue, during a conversation with another or when watching a TV or observing something somewhere I should be able to have a clear standing point where I see and understand the mechanics of any given point as well as the direction that must be taken for the implementation of a solution. It is so obvious to me now that writing is the most crucial tool to organize things within self where I develop a structure and understanding about the system we all live in.

So while we were talking about competition my friend claimed that that it is a good thing and he enjoyed that during his years while participating in sports. To this I responded that he is not seeing the consequential outflows of allowing the competition to exist – neither did I. I was talking from knowledge. Unacceptable!

So let me make this clear for myself – so that I could speak being one and equal to the words coming out of my mouth.

OK

As defined in dictionary: Competition is an event in which persons or teams compete; a match, a contest, a trial of ability.

So that in itself is not a bad thing, it does not have any positive or negative polarity attached to it. It is simply a physical act where we can check where do we stand within our abilities, which is a really a cool thing because within that we can see what are our strengths and weaknesses, what still needs to be improved or corrected. It can be a process of growth and self-enjoyment while interacting together with other beings.

So yes, to some extent that did exist when I was still involved in sport in my younger years. However at some point in time things started changing and within myself I began to feel this unpleasant feeling every time I had to compete with my opponents. So the question is what has changed and why I was getting more and more nervous within this simple act of checking my abilities with another person.

Now I can see that eventually what happened is that my starting point within competing has changed. It went from simple enjoyment to winning. And it all happened through simple conditioning by people around me – where each time that I won a match I would be rewarded with positive feedback as praise, flattery, congratulations or compliments. So within that I have accepted and allowed all this to turn into positive feelings within me, a sense of satisfaction. Basically it’s the feeling that fucked me – I entered the polarity, I entered the “game” of “life” and accepting this game I accepted the rules of this game, I accepted that from now on I will feel bad and miserable whenever I fail to win.

In my years of participating in sports I have seen many times where children after losing the match within competitions start crying from disappointment or they express a lot of anger where they beat themselves up for not being the winner. Fucking sad, but not because they lost but because this behavior is nourished by their parents or coaches or sometimes peer pressure. To be the winner, to succeed, to be happy is the motto of this reality. It’s the key to survival. And so we design ourselves to be selfish bastards that do not consider another but by all means tries to win in all areas of life. Here is a cool quote I found:

When a child is born, there is no thinking yet. Thinking develops through observation and interaction and cloning of examples and gets shaped by those influential in a child’s life. Thinking only emerge once it is physically integrated and automated. This automation implies acceptance of all the child comes in contact with. Then the child develop the conscious mind as presentation of self, the subconscious mind as the secret self where all presentations are planned and the unconscious mind, that which become the acceptance of the world system as it is. Before long the child is just another adult and the sins of the fathers and mothers has become the children so that they may transfer it again to their children. And the Bible say you must honor your father and your mother? If the evidence clearly show that the world is the result of education at home? Are we that blind or is it just brainwashing? – Bernard Poolman

So as a solution we, I mean those who can see behind this layer of brainwashing, have to stop the old patterns of behavior and teach our children and surely the misdirected parents that it’s not necessary to fight for the right to life. We can all actually be winners if we just change the rules within this reality. Equal Money System is here to ensure that all are provided equally and that the fear of survival disappears from our minds forever giving us the space to start seeing and considering each other as fellow travelers within this planet earth and not enemies with whom we have to compete for survival.

 

Here is an interview explaining the design of competition in much more detail

Visit EQAFE for more self-support on all topics of life.

 

Improving communication

Since I started working in the system I was dealing extensively with my resistances. I was stuck in my fears and insecurities and was unable to communicate with people around me. I judged a lot what was happening here and thus I shut myself down living completely inside myself projecting/superimposing new reality on top of what is here. This obviously created extensive separation and thus inability to deal with what is actually here. I did not want to follow the rules that were here because they were restricting who “I am”.

Now within Desteni it is clearly expressed that we as human beings have to take responsibility for every part of existence realizing and understanding that we must bring all parts – good and bad – back to ourselves and thus close the gap of separation – only here is the power to live effectively and possibility of change. So it took some time and some hard knocks to integrate this knowledge and live it. And I am still in the process of accepting and bringing all me’s back together.

The real change started happening only after a few visits to the Desteni farm where I was faced with my ideals and delusions about what reality is. In the end I realized that reality is very simple – what is here is here and it’s completely useless to try and make it something that it is not, something that I wish it would be. That is energy based approach that our spiritualists use – where they project positivity within their environments believing that this will change anything. Here they fail at the most basic understanding of the mind physics and the law of consequence. They don’t understand that participating within positive polarity they are already digging a hole for themselves where they eventually face the negative. It’s the same as being a Ping-Pong ball bouncing back and forth without any real understanding what the fuck is happening here.

So after my stay at the farm was finished I headed straight back to the system and my work where now I am stopping all my judgments as either positive or negative, good or bad, but simply seeing what is here, seeing how it is here and seeing how can I move myself towards the direction that supports me best.  That immediately opened many new doors and I started seeing many opportunities that I was unable to see before, yet they were always here. My communication changed extensively because now I can deal with real reality and not with my projections/superimpositions. Surely within that I have to “compromise” myself where I have to communicate with beings that are existing in total ignorance and who speak complete bullshit yet through my acceptance/nonresistance I am able to respond effectively and actually find ways and direct this shit towards some, even the smallest realizations for them and of course for me because I get to understand how the mind functions and practice the methods of “cracking the code”. It’s just a matter of remaining focused, never losing the sight of the real message which basically comes through constant self-application within writing, reading blogs/watching vlogs of other fellow travelers, and of course Desteni I process that improves and brings me deeper into the understanding of the foundation of the mind systems that I exist in and as – it is an imperative part of process as it keeps me in track and helps to realign my approach, which sometimes can get distorted through many different influences that “disturb the stability of water”

Backchat at work

Today at work I faced again, as many other times, the power of backchat. I could see myself allowing it to grow by justifying it through my righteousness, but now I can clearly see that backchat is the way of the coward. It cannot be justified.

I had an issue with my work colleague where he pushed us to do unnecessary work. I could see real motivations behind his actions but I wasn’t sure how to tell him that and instead remained “quite”. In that moment separation happened – between the inner mind as backchat and the externally spoken words. In fear I kept quiet. I didn’t want to speak the actual mind telling what I see but tried to manipulate the situation in other ways.

Eventually through the backchat I could hardly speak to him at all, because the backchat was creating energetic experience within me. The experience of “pissed off” was taking me more and more into inner conversations about what is right and how unfair and stupid the guy is.

So the point here was to calm myself down completely, breathe and not allow the thoughts to run rampantly. When I faced the guy a few minutes later in the kitchen I forced myself to communicate, as the backchat was already advanced and was hindering normal communication, I pushed to speak and I managed pretty well – in this situation I explained that the work he asks us to do is not practical. He agreed and the situations calmed down.

So what happened in this moment is that I simply palliated the situation but haven’t gone to the core of the problem. Within homeopathy, which I study at the moment, there is a curative and palliative effect. Palliative basically means – making the symptoms subside for some time.

The question I ask myself – can we allow as humans to give ourselves more time by not addressing the real issues where we still try to balance out the conflicting forces of the mind, thus keeping the perceived stability.  But then when we really look there is no stability and no balance  – evil is winning.

So it’s my responsibility to act and stop – firs the evil within me – as the backchat

and just learn to talk the “bad news” directly without fear and self-interest

visit Desteni to learn how to become self-directive being that is able to stand here, stable, unwavering and determined  to always do what is best for all.

When I first encountered Desteni message, I immediately understood that these guys are not joking and since that day I never really doubted or shifted away from what the group was doing and where it was going.

Now when I am facing many beings in my world I keep wondering how on earth they are not able to hear the message. Thus I must probably look at my life and see what events in my life had led me to the point where I was able to hear.

Probably one of the main points that was influencing my life was that within me I decided that I will never accept this world system as it is now. I could see how people in time were making peace with the limitations placed upon them and how they accepted the belief that they are small, insignificant beings who are not able to stand equal to the perceived powers of the world. Within that I was exploring my reality and I was always interested in how it actually works.

One big eye opener for me was getting a glimpse into the world of politicians – the ones on whom all people place their trust and basically their lives. I was quite shocked when I saw what kind of people they really are. I have seen the complete self-interest that they exist in and as and how they disregard completely the average human being. And the question I kept asking myself was: is this the people who are in control of my life? Obviously I could not go on just living like the rest of the people, working, paying taxes and feeding this system and the abusers who are in control.

Another similar point was having a mother who is a chief doctor in an outpatient department, which again is considered by most people a very important role to be in. I could see how people trust the healthcare professionals blindly and never question this trust. Yet living with one of them I had another view and I saw behind the curtains. I was amazed at the level of blindness of people and the level of abuse of this trust done by doctors. I saw the role of corporations in this and of course behind it all – money.

So, simply speaking I could see that this world is one big fuck up and making peace with all what I was seeing was never an option. Still within that I never actually knew the way out. So I worked with what was available in my immediate world, eventually I became interested in drugs and later spirituality, which seemed to me as a possibility to get out. I became especially interested in the stories about the masters of old days where they apparently had the ability to leave this physical reality, travel interdimensionally, manifest the food, etc as they pleased. Obviously this was appealing to me because that would mean I don’t have to slave myself and accept this tiny existence that most people believe is the only way to be. I would observe old people in my family and within that I was more than certain that I am not willing to end up in this way. I could see that generation after generation the same bullshit just continues and actually becomes ever worse.

So, later after some years of trial and error I was becoming more and more disillusioned with all the information that I was able to find regarding the “secret knowledge” of the old. I tried in many ways to become free yet always at the end of the day I had to find a way to earn money and feed myself. I still kept believing that I wasn’t committed enough to apply myself as the masters command and thus I kept working on myself in vain. So basically no matter what i tried this current system of money was superior in all ways and I was bound to participate in it and support it.

And so it went on like that until I “accidentally” stumbled upon one of the desteni’s videos where I saw an interdimensional being sharing his experience from afterlife. In this video Osho, a former spiritual leader, was sharing his experience after he crossed over to the dimensions. I knew Osho’s life on earth very well as I have listened to all his interviews that I could find. So as Osho was sharing his life after death I was able to connect the dots and I could see that it was actually him speaking and although the interdimensional portal was a young girl’s body I could still see that his essence of who he was on earth still remained. It was immediate click within me and after hearing more interviews from portal and later visiting the Desteni forum I was completely convinced about the truthfulness that was shared. The message was so clear and basically answered all my questions and finally put all the missing puzzle pieces together. The search for answers was over, I saw and understood that from here the responsibility is on me. Desteni has provided with the tools of self-transformation. These tools are very practical down to earth tools and can be easily applied by each.

And up to this moment I am walking this process of self-transformation. I can see that it will take a long time to stop all the bullshit that exists within me, yet I am committed and I have also proven to myself in many instances that the change is possible.

 

Follow the blog books regularly http://eqafe.com/p/freedom-blogs-the-birth-of-practivism-volume-1
which are available at the Desteni Store Store http://eqafe.com along with many other self-supportive products.

Also see the Non-Profit Organization — Equal Life Foundation: http://equallife.org/

The Equal Money system will be a first step in the political agenda of the Equal Life Party worldwide once we start participating in democratic elections. Join the Desteni Forum for discussions.
http://equalmoney.org/the-book

The prophecy is a LIE. For many people it will take another 11 months to realize this.

The question to ask is why are people so much inclined into believing this made up story? Some years ago I was myself trapped into this belief and would repeat constantly this “fact” to most people I would meet. I used it especially in my family environment. Now when looking back I see that I was using this idea as a form excuse to not take self-responsibility for my life. At that was living in my mother’s house completely dependent on her and naturally I liked this style of living. Yes, I was constantly pushed by my family to get out into the system and find myself a job. Yet I never saw the need to do it, I did not see any purpose in doing it because apparently not much time is left here on earth for as all and so it’s better to spend it just chilling out and preparing self for the inevitable end. And that is exactly what I was doing – I was just searching for my “higher self”, whom I will apparently meet during the ascension of 2012.

So that belief was serving me, as a freeriding personality, quite well. I missed completely the bigger picture – which when taken into consideration shows that this form of self-abdication is very destructive. I am sure that those who are in power on this earth do not mind having people like that, people who are completely disinterested in what is happening around and who simply accept status quo.

It is amazing how many people are missing the reality through existing in their mind alternative realities, created from numerous sources, hoping they will be in a better future which by the way never comes, simply because the reality and what is actually here always wins. So it is important to learn to make the distinction between what is actually here and real and what are simply ideas created from hope and desire and personal inclinations. People attempt really hard to fulfill their ideas and surely sometimes they succeed if their actions are based on real actions that have been calculated and performed within the parameters of what is here in reality, but the idea of transcending this reality based on a prophecy of someone sometime – come on, really – it’s time to really stop oneself and re-evaluate the perception of reality and align that perception.

In order to start self-education there is no better place as the Desteni, which is a group of people who are actually interested and devoted to sorting out the bullshit of this existence that we all exist in and as. It takes real guts to really look at oneself in self-honesty and admit and see that who we were so far was detrimental for life and that we must actually change ourselves from the core of our being.

Learn more about the process of self-change at www.desteni.org